We have all read the glossy magazines, which have a small section somewhere where they cover a current rally, and have seen the pictures of red cars and yellow cars, again, again, and again. Unless you are a hard-core rally fan you probably would think that the same cars are being used, you probably think that they are just an ordinary Esteem, being driven by some young gun who thinks he can drive fast.

Wait, stop, think again.

I know you've seen all those silly pics that show a crowd of silly men in yellow or red shirts in yellow or red caps leaning on yellow or red cars. Look at my picture of the "Team MRF" and the "TEAM JK" cars in battle, then believe in what I say when I say it is a battle out there this is ‘War’ . I mean war with a capital "W". The weapons are cars, the ammunition - technology, the soldiers - drivers and navigators, the Armies- the service crews. The generals are there too, and the sides they represent, they have their own flags, and they don’t give each other a chance, no prisoners taken, no orders refused. A couple of years ago I was privileged enough to meet some of the people involved in this WW3 and here are my views on the gallant men and women who fight for the cause of motor rallying.

Please note my "Ungleeing" (Hindi word for finger). As this will definitely give you the upper edge if you ever go into battle with them.

HARI SINGH : Team JK This man is Manfred von Richtofen of the JK team, and ace at what he does; very ,very fast, and has a great sense of humour; blames all his crashes on 'metal fatigue'; he is four times National Rally champion which is a no mean feat. He told me a joke once - "What is the similarity between a Sardarji and a Donkey---- they are both sweet when they are young and both go into the 'transport' line when they grow up"... hey hey , before any one says anything - that was told to me by Hari, and I'm married into a Sardarji family... Hari is in the transport line - only he drives Rally cars.

'Unglee' factor........ tell him that you can drink him under the table anytime.

G.S.Mann : Team JK Affectionately known as 'Bittu' - this is Hari's Navigator, obviously a brave man, this man to the best of my knowledge cultivates mushrooms in Punjab; is a great cook and can whip up an ‘Allu Masala’ at the drop of a hat or turban, doesn’t drink as much as Hari; also believes that every time Hari crashes it is 'metal fatigue'.

'Unglee' Factor: Tell him that he has to navigate Manik Raikhees car at the next event. (refer to Manik Raikhee section to understand why).

Vicky Chandok : Team JK This is the ‘General’. He is the man who masterminds the building of the cars; he selects the weaponary that is to be installed; no one thanks him for the well built cars, but he is the one to get crucified if the cars don't perform. He occasionally drives just to let the young guns know that he can still drive; loves a Black Label, and can't remember when he had his last romantic evening; continuously disturbed by the rest of the team and solving everyone’s problems. Nominate him for the next Prime minister of India.

'Unglee' Factor.....Hide his mobile phones …

Narin Kumar : Team MRF This kid is good. When I met him he called me Uncle. I almost died; when I introduced him to my wife he called her "Aunty". My wife thought he was being rude, and I had to explain to her that it was a way of showing respect. Anyway this kid drives very smoothly, and as the cars get faster his talent will show even further. He just won his first National Championship crown. I can't say I was surprised. A very experienced Indian racing personality compared his driving style to mine. If that is true, I would recommend that he immediately explores the prospect of an international driving career.

'Unglee'Factor..... tell him that Hari has a better stage time than him by about 10 seconds.

Dicky Gill : Team MRF - JK - MRF - JK This soldier can't explain why he is so fast. He is very skillful and loves to beat Hari. They bet as to who will win the stage, and when I was there, he sent Hari broke.

'Unglee' Factor...... tell him that he just lost the stage to Hari and it was double or quits !

Mohinder Lalwani : Team JK Affectionately known as Chubi, a master engine builder who has been around since Adam and Eve walked on the planet, takes great care to prepare the best possible engine with all the stealth masala that he can muster. Night blind he can't understand why all these kids stay up late and drink or what ever, likes to be in bed by 10:30. His greatest pleasure is if you fall asleep while he is driving. This means you trust his driving. If you read this article and then decide to pay him a compliment by falling asleep in his car after that party on the way home, remember that he is also ‘night blind’.

'Unglee' factor.... tell him that the reds have found another ten horsepower in their engines.

Leela Krishnan : Team MRF This is the fat boy of Indian rallying, he has also won the National title, so he obviously can drive. He is the General and the soldier of the MRF team, I believe this has changed a bit since I last met him. He almost died in Mercara while testing a Gypsy and crashed into a bus; he travels the world looking for that elusive part that will let his troops crawl all over the little yellow cars. I'm sure he has nightmares in yellow, and believes that the Red army is his defense against the little yellow devils.

Vivek Punnosawami : Team JK No one knows this but Vivek is without doubt, the most travelled navigator in India . He is as professional as they get, inside the car; outside he is very moody, and very passionate about his sport. He has nerves of steel , and is one of the few people who can tame Manik Raikhee ( later in this article). Developed an Australian accent while in Australia, and there is a really good story about him , and it goes like this - while navigating a well known Indian racing driver (rallying at the time of this story) he was calling the notes in his Phoren Ozzi accent ... "RRooiigghhtt 5 into laeefftt 3,, then Stroooight oon for fooive hundredn, then doouuble caautioon oonn to bridge," - at this point the driver lost control of the car and was heading straight for the river, the accent was dropped and " whatrudooingisaiddoublecaution" flowed out in local Tamil. So you think I'm lying, ask any JK team member and if he doesn’t crack up send me an e-mail.

'Unglee' factor.......Tell him that Richard Burns is looking for an Indian navigator.

C K Chinappa : Team JK Team JK This man is the oldest man alive who fought in WW2, he has about twenty eight years in the sport, an absolute legend on motorcycles, it is rumoured that he had to buy a second house to store his trophies! I am in full admiration of his spirit and his enthusiasm to still compete, he navigates in the team for different drivers, he has had more rolls in the last few years , than in all his career, he is also very brave and deserves the 'Victoria Cross' for sitting in the hot seat with Manik Raikhee (later, later !!) affectionately known as Chinny, one of my old friends. One whisky for me buddy.

Tony Rodricks : Team MRF This is the Leader, the bossman, Hitler, Stalin,Churchill, call him whatever you want , when he says ''JUMP" the reds say ''how high ??". He only wants results and if he doesn’t get them then the boys are whipped. "I don’t want to see any of you socializing with those scummy yellow devils". Actually he is a good bloke but he hates Phoren drivers with a venom, so he just wont give me a drive - ‘bugger !!’ . His duty is to sell tyres and I don't blame him for some of the hard lines he takes. he believes that since the sunrise is red and the sunset is red, then there must be no place in this planet for anything yellow.

'Unglee' factor.... tell him that you just heard that the yellows were getting an overseas driver to drive for them.

Sanjay Sharma : Team JK This is the other Bossman, but he is docile and laughs a lot, he is a rally enthusiast and loves to go to all the events and use the two-way radio, and say Vicky vicky vicky, this is Hardy hardy hardy - before I forget, he is affectionately known as Hardy- why?? I haven’t a clue. He is fat , but not like that Hardy, so maybe someone can tell us why. He is the blue eyed wonder of his company as he did the impossible, break MRF's hold on the motorsport in India. I can tell you at one time it did seem impossible. I think he has competed in some mountain events, but I think his service truck beat the rally vehicle he was driving, I’d love to hear that story again.

'Unglee' factor........ Tell him that a certain Coimbatore official was looking for him to abuse him!!!!!

Jagat and Anita Nanjappa : TEAM MRF These two have been Rallying even before the dinosaurs roamed the hills of Ooty, they live near Mercara which I must say is really a very beautiful part of India. It is rumored that they don’t invite you to their house because there is not enough room left to sit in. The walls and ceilings are covered with motor sport trophies that these two have won together as a husband and wife team. Nothing stops these two on the road, and this page is not big enough to tell all the wonderful stories they have to tell of their experiences. These two must write a book . I bet it will be a best seller among all who love their motorsport. Most of their motorsport has been done on two wheels, and now (thank god) they have finally changed to a more sensible four wheel form.

'Unglee' factor I'm not sure about Anita, but tell Jagat that he doesn’t build the best bikes.

Karamjit Singh : Team JK Malaysia's top driver who came to India and found that there were a lot of drivers in India who can drive like him. He also comes to Australia and gets mistaken for Hari Singh, he is obviously good but must have got a surprise when young Narin started taking time off him in stages. I haven’t met him personally so I'll leave the 'Unglee' section till I meet him sometime

Navaz Bathena : Team MRF A really fast chick this one , and I'm talking about the 'driving', When I met her two years ago I couldn’t believe that she was not driving for one of the two big teams, I'm glad to see that she now has been given a drive in MRF. Well done Tony for spotting the only lady in India with great talent, daughter of the legendary Darius and Katie Bathena, who won a car (Fiat ) in some competition before the first world war, and then ended up racing it for many years to come. Darius also built a Formula Indian that was an absolute screamer, the 'Black Beauty’, but I'm drifting off the subject. Navaz - this sexy, lean, mean fighting machine takes the fight up to the boys and is rumored to be a tarmac master, I believe she gave the boys a hiding at one of the 'Popular Rallies'. She is also a very good journalist who writes about the sport.

'Unglee' Factor.......... Tell her that the room that you are sitting in belongs to Vivek Punnoswami.

Nikhil Taneja : Team JK Nikhil is the most die hard competitor I have ever seen , he is very fast and scary, he loves to practice just before an event and is very finicky about the adjustments done to his car, he loves to drink water in the middle of a stage , I think someone showed him a touring car video so now he has a water bottle fitted inside his car so that he can have a quick swig as he goes around corners. He is the mech’s nightmare as they run when they see him coming. In the earlier years he use to dye his hair in different colours to scare his opponents, but now he just drinks from his water bottle.

'Unglee' Factor...... tell him your car is faster than his the night before the rally.

MANIK RAIKHEE : TEAM JK You always leave the best for last, so here is Manik, affectionately known as Maniac, but seriously this is the cute kid of motorsport in India , he certainly has the guts, and the determination but he can’t understand why a car rolls when you go around a corner fast. He loves to use the left foot on the brake and slide the car, hey maybe that’s why the car rolls, I don’t know anyone in all my years of motorsport who has rolled as many cars as him. This is Mr. Rollercar. He loves a dish called Chicken 65, I shared this with him at a small restaurant in Mercara; he also showed me a picture of a most beautiful girl who he said was his true love, wow Manik you are a lucky man. He hates Vivek - his navigator because if Manik drives fast Vivek stops calling the notes. Vivek also looses his Ozzie accent when he navigates for Manik. Any guesses why. Manik and Vivek once went out to set the trip meter before an event and ended up rolling the car. This is a true story.

'Unglee'factor............would you like a kebab....Roll !!!

HASTALLAVISTABABYI’LLBEBAAK !!!!!